How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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