He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
