I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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