I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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