She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
