Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
