I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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