I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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