it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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