so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
