You're so nebulous sometimes
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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