so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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