Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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