So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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