so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
The dick lei will go down in squad history
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
