her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
