Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
