What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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