So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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