you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
