Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
3 2 1 whiskey
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
