I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
