From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
My liver just had a heart attack.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
