Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
