for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I think I just sharted jello shots
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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