his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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