I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
