Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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