Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
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