my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
