is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
