I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
