Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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