She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
