I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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