I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Jerry, you need to find god
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
