true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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