Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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