ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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