Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
