Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
