i think i have herpe
just one?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
