I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
