why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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