I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
