I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
