i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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