fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
