this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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