I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
