3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Screwed.edu
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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