I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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