I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
