I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
